Kathryn Janeway sat drumming her fingers on the computer in front of her. She had thought that working in her quarters would mean that she could actually get some work done. She had been mistaken. Giving up, she closed down the computer console and headed to the replicator. Another cup of coffee. Great idea Kathryn, that’ll help you sleep, she thought. It had started five days ago, and she hadn’t had an uninterrupted night since. Going to the doctor was out of the question, even for a sedative, as he would demand answers to questions she didn’t want to answer, in fact, didn’t know how to answer. However, it was getting beyond a joke. She was the Captain, and not sleeping was seriously affecting her ability to fulfil that role. Of course, it would help if Chakotay would just leave her alone for five minutes.

After the first night, she had been a little late to the bridge. Not very late, but enough to cause the senior staff to be a little concerned, one more than most. Retiring to the ready room after thirty seconds of sitting in her chair couldn’t have really helped the situation, but at the time it had seemed like the only appropriate action. Predictably, another thirty seconds later the door chime sounded.


He entered the room just enough to allow the doors to close behind him, then just stood there, hands behind his back.

“Is there something I can do for you, Chakotay?” No need to make the situation worse by using his rank Kathryn. Stay calm and you may just get though this in one piece.

“It’s unlike you to be late for a duty shift Kathryn. Is everything alright?”

“Fine, thank you. Just a little tired.” She forced a smile for his benefit. It seemed to have the desired affect, as he gave a full dimpled smile in response.

“I thought so. How about dinner later, my quarters? I promise you don’t have to cook.” He gave her another dimpled smile, which provoked a real smile from Kathryn.

“Sure Chakotay. That would be nice. I think I may have poisoned myself with my own cooking enough lately” He chuckled.

“Great. I’ll see you at 1900.”

“Why? Are you planning on leaving the bridge early today?”

“No. You are.” At her confused face he added, “You have the rest of the day off. I had to swap the duty shifts for reasons I promised I’d keep to myself, and, um, forgot to mention it to you. Sorry Captain, looks like you have to go back to your quarters and relax for the rest of the day. I know how you hate that.” And with a final dimpled smile he left.

Well, she thought. I have just been ordered by a subordinate to take the day off. Checking the duty roster, he really had changed it; seconds before he entered the ready room. Making a mental note to make Tuvok allocate the duty shifts in future, she grabbed a stack of pads and headed to the turbo lift. As the doors to the turbo lift closed, Chakotay chuckled. She must be tired if he had won that easily.

In her quarters, Kathryn sat on her couch, looking at yet another pad. Of course, she would cancel dinner later. She hadn’t really meant to say yes, but she couldn’t think of another way to get him to leave the ready room. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be around him, quite the opposite. But after the dream she had had the night before, she didn’t trust herself to be alone with him for too long. It was too fresh in her mind. She could reschedule to tomorrow.

Chakotay had been disappointed at her cancelling on him, but made her promise to be there the next day. Damn, now she would have to go. She could never break a promise to him. Wandering to the holodeck proved to be fruitless. Finding out you have a day off the day you are actually due off doesn’t give much time for booking time in the holodeck. Sighing, she ate alone in the mess hall, and went back to her quarters. She needed an early night anyway.


The ready room was darker than normal, as if illuminated only by candle light. How romantic, she thought. Of course, it wasn’t the best light to work in, but then that wasn’t the kind of work she had planned for the evening. Grinning to herself, she took a look at her figure in the full length mirror she had in her en suite bathroom. Not exactly star fleet issue, but she didn’t expect Chakotay would mind. The door chimed.

“Come.” She smirked.

Chakotay blinked a little at the change of brightness from the bridge. He couldn’t see where Kathryn was, but he could feel she was there. And that she was up to something.

“Kathryn?” He looked towards the door of the bathroom as she waltzed out. His jaw dropped. Her skirt was long and flowing, but the slits on both sides went up so far that when she walked forwards practically her whole leg was visible. As his eyes worked their way up her body, he saw the dress hug her figure inhumanly tightly and eventually stop in a swooping neck line that just about covered her breasts. Just for irony, the whole ensemble was in command red. Her voice broke the spell.

“Put your tongue back in Chakotay, it’s dripping on my carpet.” With effort, he forced words to come out of his very dry throat.

“You wanted to see me Captain” Ignoring his use of rank she continued.

“Oh yes, Chakotay.” She started walking towards him. “And from what I can tell, you want to see me.” Continuing to walk towards him, he started to back away very slightly, to much in shock to fully realise what was happening. She laughed a low, intoxicating laugh, and stared straight into his eyes.

“Am I frightening you Chakotay? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.” Chakotay hit the wall, and could back away no further. He still looked like a moose caught in someone’s headlights. She got to within three inches of him and stopped. She raised her hands to the straps of her dress and let them fall off her arms, taking the dress with it. She was wearing nothing beneath.

She sat bolt upright, taking in her surroundings. “Computer, lights 100% illumination.” Blinking, she saw her quarters, as she had left them, and herself, alone, in her bed. She sighed, half relieved, half disappointed. “Computer, time?” The monotone voice of the computer met her ears. “The time is 0300 hours.” Kathryn got up and walked to the replicator.


The bridge shift passed slowly and uneventfully, more than likely because Chakotay had the day off that day. To make up for being late yesterday, she was an hour early that day, relieving a tired Harry from the Gamma shift. The star system they were passing through was hardly an astronomical phenomenon, so she had nothing to keep her mind off her latest dream, and of course, dinner later. When the end of her shift came, she was more than a little nervous about leaving the bridge.

In her quarters once more, she quickly showered and changed, pondering quickly over the sexy underwear she occasionally wore. Quickly deciding against it, she wore a simple, and long, blue dress, with absolutely no slits in it, which more than adequately covered her in all dimensions. Happy with her look, she stepped outside, and chimed his door, before she chickened out.

“It’s open.” His voice travelled through the thin wall. He was obviously cooking. She walked in, and was hit by the smell of dinner cooking, and the smell of a clean, freshly showered Chakotay. She tried to concentrate on the dinner.

“This smells wonderful Chakotay. I hope you didn’t go to too much trouble.” The evening progressed, and she had to admit that she was having a wonderful time. She found herself replaying the dream of two nights before over in her mind. Same setting, dinner in Chakotay’s quarters, and quickly remembered why she shouldn’t be here. He saw her getting a little flushed, and asked if it was too hot for her. Blushing full on, she said she was still a little tired and excused herself, but not before Chakotay hit her with another gorgeous smile and another wave of his own unique scent. Wonderful she thought, as if my dreams aren’t vivid enough.


On the sixth night she gave in and went to sickbay. On her way there she tried to come up with a convincing story to tell the doctor. She could hardly come out with the truth, or she’d be trapped in sickbay for a week. The latest dream had been the most vivid, and the location had been far too realistic. The bridge, just her and Chakotay, and her once again wearing very little. So she had Chakotay’s quarters, the ready room, the turbo lift, the mess hall, and now the bridge. She had practically the whole ship covered. The doctor was less than helpful. His excuse for her not sleeping was, of course, working to hard, and he refused to give her a sedative unless she took time off. She said no, they argued, she eventually got a sedative, but only after agreeing to several more check ups in the immediate future.

An unfortunate side affect of these dreams was that she was becoming less than comfortable being around Chakotay. And the poor guy had no idea why. Well, she was hardly going to tell him, but knew she would have to tell him something; and soon.

Early again to her duty shift meant that she could slip into the ready room before he arrived. Hopefully he would realise she was ‘busy’ and stay on the bridge all shift. The door chimed. Damn, she thought.

“Come.” She cringed at the image that brought to her mind. In walked Chakotay, as expected.

“Kathryn, do you have a moment; I think we need to talk.” Great, she thought, just great.

“For you, of course.” Fake smile.

“Can we sit down?” She nodded and they moved to the couch. He sat down a little closer than she felt comfortable with, and she crossed her legs defensively.

“Kathryn…what have I done? Or not done? Or should have done, but didn’t? You’ve been acting strangely around me all week and I don’t know why. I feel like I’m losing my friend.” She dipped her head, her hair falling over her face. She wished she hadn’t cut it, so it could fall right over and hide the tear that escaped her eye. She cursed it silently as Chakotay saw it run down her cheek. He put her arms around her and drew her in for a close hug.

“Hey, it’s ok. Shhhh. I’m here,” he soothed. His voice only made her sob more openly and she threw her arms around his body and gripped tightly. He quickly recovered his position and held her closer, rubbing her back protectively.

She had no idea what she was doing. Holding the man she was not allowed to love, but did anyway, and in her ready room no less. She pulled away.

“I’m sorry, Chakotay. I guess I’m just feeling a little emotional. I’m fine now. I think you should probably go.” As she stood he grabbed her arm, not enough to hurt her, but enough so that she wouldn’t be able to move away. He swung her back down and she lost her balance and fell to the floor, bringing him with her. He landed on top of her, crushing her breasts flat to his chest. She was breathing heavily.

“Kathryn, I’m sorry. Are you ok?” He raised himself up to his elbows and looked at her. He could see her chest rising and falling and her eyes looking deeply into his. Her ready room dream came flooding back to her. She smiled despite of herself.


“Yes Chakotay?”

“Are you alright?”

“More thank alright thank you. Quite comfortable. In fact, the most comfortable I’ve been all week.” She smiled up at him, and in that moment he realised it wasn’t the Captain lying beneath him, but Kathryn. She may have been in uniform, and he may have been in the ready room, but the Captain was no where to be seen. Taking another look in her eyes, he lowered his face back down, and brushed his lips over hers, gently, slowly, questioning. Pulling back, he still saw Kathryn, and continued the kiss. She melted into his mouth, her body going limp under his. Mouths gave way to tongues as she opened her soul to his. His hands were still supporting her, and hers were roaming over his back. He broke this kiss, realising he hadn’t breathed for several minutes. Breathless they stared at each other. It was then her comm badge chirped.

“Captain to the Bridge.” It was Tuvok. As they disentangled themselves Chakotay muttered under his breath, “I’m going to kill that Vulcan.”

It was a planet, rich with edible plant life, sources of dilithium, trilithuim, and other useful supplies. Tuvok wanted to know if they should alter course. Annoyed, she placed her face back to Captain Mode, resisted the urge to put him in the brig for being a moron, and smiled. Good idea Tuvok, well done. Get me out of my ready room to answer an obvious question.

“Estimated time to intercept Lieutenant?” Paris calculated 2 hours, at warp four. Changing course she walked back to the ready room. Chakotay followed.

Once the doors were closed, her pressed her up against the wall and plunged his mouth back to hers. Any thought of not continuing the activities of moments before went straight out of the airlock when his tongue found hers once more. Layers of clothing were hastily removed from bodies, and Kathryn briefly thanked whatever made her wear the sexy underwear this morning. Chakotay smiled.

“These aren’t Star Fleet issue, are they?” He smiled as she shook her head and smiled back at him. He was about to unclasp her bra when she stopped him.

“Should we be doing this? I mean, in here?” He looked down at her.

“It’s your ready room, you tell me.” She clamped her mouth back to his.


She sat bolt upright, but resisted the urge to turn on the light. As her eyes acclimatised to the darkness, she looked around her quarters, still exactly as she left them. “Computer, time?”

“The time is 0300 hours.” Beside her something shifted. It spoke.

“Kathryn? Are you ok?” It was Chakotay’s voice. She smiled, rolled closer to him, and went back to sleep.

Close this window to return to reading the entries for Behind Closed Doors.